Friday, March 30, 2012

A Husband's Expectations

Oh, females out there. Why do you put so much pressure on yourself all the time? Why do you think you have to be everything, do everything? Why do you think you have to have it all together? Why are the details so important to you?

Oh, wait... that's me...

One of the perks of wifehood, though, is you have someone else's expectations to fulfill now instead of your own. This can really be a relief to those of us who tend to strive and work hard to fulfill our own high standards. (And then feel extremely guilty when we don't.)

Shane and I talked to an elderly pastor once, and he said to me: "Why are you worrying about getting everything accomplished? You're putting these standards on yourself. Shane is your boss now."

Then he looked at Shane and said, "You'd better give her something to organize, or soon she'll be organizing you!"

To hear him flat out say, "Shane is your boss" really made me uncomfortable. I don't even want to know Shane's expectations of me, on top of my own... do I?? But the pastor was saying that I'm not my own boss, and that focusing on Shane's expectations would actually allow me to let go of my own.

So eventually I got curious and brave and just asked my husband. I said, "What do you really expect of me on a daily basis?" Then I wrote down these things as he said them:

Go to your Heavenly Father first.

Let me lead.

Be a calm and loving presence.

Don't worry, just pray.

Be the Heart of our family, and let me be the Head. Enjoy our family.

Tend to my needs.

Give me smiles, hugs, and kisses.

Forgive me.

Take care of our son.

Be thankful.

Dress neatly and modestly.

Keep the house tidy.

Cook tasty, healthy food.

If you are sick, skip cooking and cleaning.

My first thought: Seriously? That's it?! You've got to be kidding me. It doesn't even say to keep up with the laundry!

These things were way different than my own expectations. Most of them were simply about being and not doing. But Shane said, Yes, those really were the most important things to him.

What I realized about this list is that, since Shane is my God-appointed authority on this earth, these "duties" really are the most important things – not just to Shane, but to God. Crazy!

My list now hangs on the fridge. It helps me focus on what's most important.

What are your husband's expectations? Try asking him!


pam said...

You are wise beyond your years, Miss Katie. May God bless your marriage beyond your wildest expectations!

Karijane said...

i will be asking brandon tonight! thanks for writing this...i love it!

cyndi said...

You are so awesome!

Anonymous said...

I asked Allen and he gave me a list of a whopping 2 things. I begged for more, cause I liked your idea of putting it on the fridge to remind me (I have a fear that I am not being a good wife and mother sometimes). But he said those 3 things were honestly all he expected of me. I guess I should be thankful for having such an easy-to-please man!